Journals313
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depressive confession
1 min read
going thru a depressive episode, so i may as well take the time to confess something i have told few people.
i hate myself
i hate myself with every fiber of my being. i look in the mirror and revile the face that looks back. i have screwed up so many times in my life that almost every day i wonder what things would be like, how much better my family's lives would be, if i had killed myself in the past. i fight these sorta thoughts every day. sometimes i keep them down and hidden. sometimes they come out from my brain's closet like a gay man with a boombox.
and that's why i sometimes ask people what they like about me. cuz if there's something about me they like, maybe i'm not all bad.
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Depression sucks
2 min read
A letter to my friends
if it feels like i'm spamming you guys a lot with stupid questions and fears, i'm sorry. I'm just constantly afraid that I'm messing up somewhere, that I'm doing something wrong and not realizing it. I'm afraid that, as life goes on, you decide i'm not worth talking to anymore. I've lived my life in emotional fear for so long I need to be constantly reminded if things aren't going wrong. Otherwise I being to fear the worst, to fear that I'm becoming nothing more than a distraction or annoyance to you all. I don't mean to say this to sound like a whiny bitch, but I dunno how else to word it. I never want to sound whiny or clingy.
On one hand, I know life moves forward. I know that we're all advancing and changing. Feelings change, our outlooks change, we're always changing. On the other hand, I don't want to be left behind. I've lost a few friends over the years because they've decided to just stop talking. I don't want to lose anyone else that way. I don't want to be left behind, or replaced. I like being friends with all of you. Being your friends, being there to help you when you're sad, to make you laugh and smile, that's literally the only way I can validate my own continued existence. Each time someone moves on and leaves, it feels like it's my fault. Like I failed them somehow.
If I offend any of you out there, if you feel like I;m not good enough, please tell me. I'd rather hear the painful truth than suffer in the agonizing unknown.
if it feels like i'm spamming you guys a lot with stupid questions and fears, i'm sorry. I'm just constantly afraid that I'm messing up somewhere, that I'm doing something wrong and not realizing it. I'm afraid that, as life goes on, you decide i'm not worth talking to anymore. I've lived my life in emotional fear for so long I need to be constantly reminded if things aren't going wrong. Otherwise I being to fear the worst, to fear that I'm becoming nothing more than a distraction or annoyance to you all. I don't mean to say this to sound like a whiny bitch, but I dunno how else to word it. I never want to sound whiny or clingy.
On one hand, I know life moves forward. I know that we're all advancing and changing. Feelings change, our outlooks change, we're always changing. On the other hand, I don't want to be left behind. I've lost a few friends over the years because they've decided to just stop talking. I don't want to lose anyone else that way. I don't want to be left behind, or replaced. I like being friends with all of you. Being your friends, being there to help you when you're sad, to make you laugh and smile, that's literally the only way I can validate my own continued existence. Each time someone moves on and leaves, it feels like it's my fault. Like I failed them somehow.
If I offend any of you out there, if you feel like I;m not good enough, please tell me. I'd rather hear the painful truth than suffer in the agonizing unknown.
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Life sucks
1 min read
anyone who's not dead, leave a comment talking about something nice that happened recently. i'll start.
last weekend was actually relaxing.
last weekend was actually relaxing.
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HELP MY FRIEND
1 min read
Jiryuu is in some pretty dire straits right now. If anyone can help her with anything, it would be amazing. Seriously, she is in a hell of a rough spot and needs any help she can get. Please, help her. She's a good person and doesn't deserve to be in trouble like this.
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Executive Decision
1 min read
You know that "Stupid Powers" thing going on? Well, in an effort to get myself motivated for pictures again, I have screenshotted many of the funnier ones I've generated and wanna make a series of pics using em. Let's see how this goes, shall we?
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